Success scares my socks off. What about you?

Am I the only one?

Am I the only one?

photo credit: kevin dooley via photopin cc

 

Success is scary

Maybe not for everyone, but it certainly is for me.

There have been a few times when I really feel my pulse quicken over an idea, over something I KNOW I am meant to pursue, to create, to build, to produce, to share. It’s not just the temporary high of “woo, that’s a good idea.”

No. This feeling is deep within my soul. It resonates.

In the past, I’ve sabotaged it. I think on some level it was a conscious thing.

My thought process:

I can’t do this. It’s too big. Even the possible potential of it is too big.

Who am I to do this thing?

So, I morph into a weird, insecure, petty version of myself. Really, not pretty. It’s ugly, my friends.

I go through all of the bad things that happened in my childhood (really, let’s beat that dead horse a few hundred more times…)

Then, I go through all of the awful decisions that I have made and all of the terrible actions that I have taken in the PAST (as in, not the present).

And, finally, when it gets flat out awful (which also directly correlates to how powerful the original idea is), I’ll let old jealousy hop in the driver’s seat for a test drive around the block a time or two, or 50.

So, I’ve gone through all of the steps, started back on my road to recovering my not petty, not insecure self, and the thing is, the great idea, it’s still there. Waiting. Waiting on me to get my act together and get over myself.

 

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About melindamcguirewrites

The young man or woman writing today has forgotten the problems of the human heart in conflict with itself which alone can make good writing because only that is worth writing about, worth the agony and the sweat. ------ William Faulkner, Nobel Prize Speech, Stockholm, 1950
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5 Responses to Success scares my socks off. What about you?

  1. TimGreaton says:

    What a fabulous post, Medlinda. I loved it for both the content and the style. Bravo. Of course, being the fully actualized person that I am…I never admit any of those things 🙂 Thanks for the post!

  2. Those thoughts and emotions hit us all, but it’s time to give them the (metaphorical) finger. We can do it. You can do it. Start typing.

  3. afracooking says:

    Amazing post – so honest and open! And it resonates – that voice that tells you that you are just not good enough…. But then I guess bravery is not about not feeling fear and doubt, it is about doing what you choose to despite of those undermining feelings. Thanks for being brave

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